I realized something big today. This morning when I was meditating, I felt myself that today will be one of the most important days of my life. I told my wife on the way to Church as well. She asked me why and how I would know. I just told her I just have the feeling.

After the service, we came back and watched me some fun stage shows in my office, and I decided to give my conscious a break. As I went in, although I didn’t really mean to, I just followed my feeling, a feeling of happiness.

As I counted 1,2,3, I regressed to the time of my happy time. I went back when I was 5. It was when my sister was having her Dol (1st birthday in Korean). I was so high and happy to see a lot of people having such a good time.

At first, I didn’t know why the heck I was so happy. Soon I realized that it was my sister’s birthday and so many guests were there eating and having great times, but when I asked myself why I was really so happy, I told myself that I was happy because I have this shiny thing in my hand and it tastes so good. A taste that I’ve never had before, which was the taste of my 1st Coca Cola! After that, I was playing with the bottle, just playing and flying the Coke bottle in my hand, making airplane noises, running in between my parents’ guests and seeing their happy faces… so happy. And then I asked myself why I have this piece of pain in my heart and I asked to go back in time (or go forth).

I went back when I was in the 3rd grade, a math class. The teacher was giving a question to us. There are about 60 students in the class, but I’m now so focused that I know the answer already. The answer is 0. The answer is 0. The diagram and the equations were already drawn in my head, done, calculated, and the answer is 0.

When the teacher asked what the answer would be, I wanted to raise my hand. Nobody knew. I wanted to raise my hand and say the answer, but I couldn’t. Immediately I felt that I could’ve been so happy if I just raised my hand just like when I was five, and told the whole class the answer, but I didn’t. I felt strange. I felt discouraged. I felt like a looser. It was a sad and happy feeling at the same time. So, I did a little patchwork on me and I took myself out. Of course I didn’t forget to thank God for making me realize and see my ages and take the wisdoms of both times and now…

All of me felt so much better, I realized that I had the most beautiful day today of my life, just as I saw myself this morning when I had a feeling that today will be one of the most important day of my life. With my tears flowing down, I emerged myself and felt the shine in my eyes. As I walked my garden, I wondered what happened between my age of five and nine. My heart feels the time, yet I really don’t want to regress, not now. Let me just enjoy the happy times now. :-) 3/30/08 –Molado